The main reason I struggle with maintaining a blog is because I’m afraid of ending up ranting, and I don’t want to sound preachy either.
It’s the same reason I rarely confide, except in a precious few trusted friends – not that I don’t trust my new friends, but I’ve learned to respect levels of trust between friends, and have found that I really can manage to only entrust my deepest thoughts to the few who have also seen me as trustworthy with theirs.
So why am I going to try coming back to blogging? Because, as my pastors say, I have a testimony. And a testimony must be shared.
That’s why Jesus said we will be His witnesses. If there’s anything a witness is supposed to do, it’s to share what they have seen and heard and experienced to prove or deny the claims of another.
So that’s is what I will be doing my best to do from now on: write about what I have seen, heard, and experienced as I stumble along this path called life where victory is not always about not falling, but in simply allowing myself to be lifted up by my Shepherd from the pit where I fell, a pit He had jumped into before I fell so He could break my fall.
He’s not worried I may have gotten hurt when I fell – my pride doesn’t count – because the path He is leading me through? He’s been this way before, and He has cleared away everything that would not help me enjoy walking with Him. So if that pit is still there, there’s a reason for it.
And I know I’ll know that reason when it’s time for me to know it.
So here’s the beginning of these testimonies. Well, more like an introduction.
At the start of this month, I was introduced to a man we had been trying to find for about 3 years. Not that he was hiding, but someone was making sure we wouldn’t be able to track him down. And we found out why: it turns out that my mother’s family have been taken advantage of by their own relatives – relatives who are now dead.
Why do I need to know about this now, God? It’s not like I intend to make people pay. YOU are my Restorer. I hold nothing against them, because I recognize that Jesus also died for these offenses, just as He died for mine.
Two days later, while watching a podcast about God’s principles of restoration, the answer came.
Remember: I will restore to you according to what I said in My Word. What has been stolen from your family will be restored, along with the required interest. That’s why you had to know what happened, and how much has been taken: because I WILL recompense.
God kept a record, not to make anyone pay, but to keep Himself accountable to His own promise: the promise to return. To repay.
I will do my best, from now on, not to dig up the past, but to document, to record, if you will, how this restoration will unfold. More for my sake, though, to keep myself in hope, to keep myself from succumbing to despair.
To keep my eyes focused, not on the coming restoration, but on the presence of my Restorer.
As much as I want to see the end of this problem, in my heart I hear the words I once heard from the movie about Joni Eareckson:
“I’d rather be in this chair with Him, than on my feet without Him.”
Blessed be the Name of the Lord.